It’s another weekend and as I like to do it, I watch movies and guess the best kinds of movies to see on a Friday night before you hit the club? It’s the shiny Nollywood movie that has made it to an International streaming platform, or in this case Netflix.
So, today I decided to see Glamor Girls. Typically, I have my heart set out for disappointment anytime I see Play Network Studios involved in a flick. I mean, after Living In Bondage, they haven’t quite gotten another movie that lives up to its standard. And it didn’t even set the standard high enough.
But. “This one has a glossy trailer and Nse Ikpe Etim is in it, so how bad could it even go?”… I thought. If I see a movie that I like, I usually watch it the second time before writing the review. But this one?
Here we go:
Nse Ikpe-Etim as Donna
Joselyn Dumas as Jenna
Sharon Ooja as Emma
Segilola Ogidan as Helion
Toke Makinwa as Louise
Taymesan Emmanuel as Tommy
Lilian Afegbai as Majesty
James Gardiner as Emma’s love interest
The official Netflix synopsis of the film reads – The world of high-end escorts promises glamor, wealth and the chance of reinvention for a group of women — till a killing and theft threaten it all. The film will show us how their whole life of glamor and glitz comes with a huge price. It focuses on the story of five girls who are desperately trying to make a living in the big city of Lagos, as high-end escorts..
I genuinely don’t know what the storyline of the movie is. Oh yes. Emma, Donna, Jemma, (Who came up with these names? Probably some low budget rapper thinking about names that rhyme)
Emmanuela, who goes by the name Emma, is the movie’s primary character; she works in a strip club but loses her job. She finally succeeds in landing a job at Donna’s high-profile company after much work. They offer escort services to wealthy and prominent men in Lagos and receive lavish gifts and even more money in exchange.
“Never give your love away for free“is Donna’s sole rule. Jemma, her best friend, reportedly disobeyed this rule and left to start her own family. She had to return to this world, though, since she needed money.
Emma gains the ability to walk, dress, and live a life of luxury, but just when she believes she is moving in a better direction, the cookie crumbles.
A key figure vanishes with a large sum of money that belonged to the wealthy folks. The glamor girls’ lives are in jeopardy as a result of this catastrophe, and everybody who has ever been associated with them is destroyed. Donna and the other girls must now figure out how to escape this situation without losing any lives.
Sums it up… If you see the movie, you will know that I tried.
Is there anything good about this movie? Maybe.
At least Nse Ikpe Etim delivers like it is some part of Jumoke Randle‘s story that ‘King Of Boys‘ told us about but didn’t show us. It’s good acting. Nse is amazing! Sharon Ooja also plays it like it is the sequel to ‘Oloture‘. They are threading on familiar sands. The acting was okay. Cringe sometimes but I have never been an escort before so what do I know?
Not all the songs were great but some actual artists who deserve the shine got it. But the person who put together the final score deserves to be flogged in the market square because… Read the room now, how am I hearing a mixed rap version of You’re My Honeybunchin the middle of this movie and the visuals are not adding up.
I’m struggling to find good things here… Okay another one is themes explored.
Erm.. In case you did not understand ‘Escorts’, na Ashawo them DIY do. Glamor girls does a fine job of explaining the things that lead young ladies into prostitution. In Emma’s case, the need to take care of her family. (A family we never see when she starts living large)
In Jemma’s case, her husband is in the hospital and there are needs to be met.
For those who do not know, there is a difference! The use of drugs is not equivalent to the abuse of drugs. But the character that abused drugs (Hellion) died and gave us that Eso Dike Cameo (Even the extras had to be starsThumbs up Play Network!
The costuming was also good. But I’m really struggling here. Abeg, another reviewer might see something else that was good. I don’t try small.
The whole movie was bad but make I try to choose the baddest points.
The best way to explain the hurt that this story caused me is to use a ‘sports betting’ analogy. You know how you stake low and hit it big on impossible odds? Then an evil spirit whispers to you to stake all the winnings on 2 odds. Then the 2 odds cut.
That’s how this story feels. The first Fourty Eight (48) minutes will make you look for the point of the story, and as you struggle with the possibility that the movie is utter rubbish, then you begin to find some sense in it! That’s your jackpot. Gamblers who know better run at this point. But your luck is shining. It might just end well and then, someone used N2,000 Sandisk flash drive to recover $15billion and I am confused. Dollars oh! Dollars. Your bet don’t cut.
The hardware wallet for some magical fund was in a Sandisk flash drive. Like someone thought it reasonable to use a Rolls Royce in this movie. A nice McLaren P1 (I’m a sucker for cars) was featured in that Lebanon shot. But someone couldn’t use get a ‘Ledger X Nano Wallet’ as a prop for this movie. Let’s not talk about how Windows 10 is decrypting funds from the flash drive. Badass hacker is not even running ‘VMWare’ In his decryption, the task bar on the HP is not even showing that he opened any actual software. Vibes on Vibes on this one! Like it’s Ayra Starr that wrote it.
Where is the actual Dialogue in this movie? What is the standout line? Conversations are the sole proof that artistic and emotional human beings worked on a film. I mean pretending to be someone else is the easy part, but what you say and how it is said is the selling point. (I miss Leonardo DiCaprio in “Wolf Of Wall Street” and ”The Great Gatsby” now)
Dialogue no. It’s just vibes on vibes. At least, next time they want writers, consider Victor Sanchez Aghahowa or Jason Abaga. Them dey try’
There are just so many things wrong in this one. I cannot begin to even wonder how this one movie looked like it had 4 different directors. Everybody with a different vibe. Then somebody now joined everything together with his own vibe as well.
Amazing directors exist. James Omokwe is there. The Amazing Dimbo Atiya is a wizard. God oh!
Last Last, I am tired of thinking about it sef. But before I run off, one more question. “Did the people that made this movie actually watch it and enjoy it?”
If you don’t want to waste your time, don’t watch it. Find that your friend that can make everything sound nice, let them watch it and give you the gist. Your 2 hours no suppose waste like that. After all, Time na money!
Big shout out to Eva Ibiam sha! I get crush.
Glamor Girls is Currently on Netflix!
Watch The Trailer Below (It’s More Interesting than the movie)